“Owing to the death of my grandfather—whom I loved dearly—I will not be able to land the plane. Thank you for your understanding.”
“Because I am literally stuck in traffic at this very moment, I will not be able to perform your heart surgery this morning. Would it be possible to get an extension? Let me know.”
“I went to the wrong building, and I totally just did someone else’s taxes. So sorry—my bad!”
“Owing to the death of my boyfriend’s grandfather—whom I loved dearly—I will not be able to finish filling your cavity. Thank you so much for your compassion.”
“Given my anxiety about public speaking, I am hoping that you’ll be open to me proclaiming the ‘Hear ye, hear ye’ via e-mail. If that’s an issue for you, then perhaps I could prerecord something and you could show the video in the town square? You could just set up a projector and a screen and a P.A. system? Should be fairly straightforward.”
“Yeah, I fucked up and forgot to turn on the hose. Entirely my error, but if I could get a redo then I’d put these flames out as soon as possible—maybe next week sometime? I’m flexible.”
“I’m wondering if it would be possible for me to deliver the presents on the twenty-sixth, as the elves have a wicked party planned for me on the twenty-fifth. What do you think? It’s cool if not, but I just thought I’d check. Thanks for being so chill!”
“I’m very sorry, but, because my stupid roommate took my watch without asking, I lost track of time, so I’m not able to deliver your baby at the moment.”
“Because we have a new kitten and recently moved into a new loft downtown, I will be unable to defend you today in court. You’re the best. Here’s a pic of Mittens!”
“Owing to the death of my friend’s brother’s grandfather—whom I loved dearly—I have probably come down with something that has aggravated my astigmatism, and this, in turn, has caused severe hunger pains. Anyway, I will not be able to complete the packing of your parachute, but I trust that you understand and respect my situation.” ♦
